Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
