i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
