hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize