Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
love makes seman taste better
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
