ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's never too late to be topless.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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