I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
