I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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