I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
