Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
