I want to have your abortion
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
