i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
