Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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