I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
