it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
