Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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