I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
