Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
