I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
