Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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