I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
