Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
