Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
