maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
