so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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