Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
