I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just high enough for therapy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
