She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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