I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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