Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
