i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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