She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
