I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
