does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize