Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
