Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
