My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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