When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
