no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
