So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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