I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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