I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
