best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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