please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
