does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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