So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
