I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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