You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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