Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
