Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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