I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
