Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize