She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
