Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
