if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
