He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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