So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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