Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
