I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
