i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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