I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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