Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
