i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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