What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
