My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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