Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian